what do I do now?

Things were going okay for a while.....

and then last week was possibly the worst week of my life nothing went right. Plans with my friends fell through. all of them....I've been having ridiculously good dream, but a nagging feeling in the back of my brain came to be relised last Sunday.....My pea rents decided that i haven't been abiding by the rules and told me
I need to leave...




now what?

Navy?
move to Taiwan and get a job teaching English?


I spent a good half hour holding my dads gun.

My head is so fucked up right now.

I want to die
but i want to live
i'm scared

this has been the worst weekend of all time....FML and everything else, I try and I get called lazy for it . I tell the truth and get called a lie for it. I work so freaking hard.....and everything I've ever done the meaning and hope I get from it gets ripped from me as soon as I start to feel better...I hate myself...why can't I just be a good little robot.