DAMN it damn it damn it

I'm upset because what I feared would happen did.

I went to the college I'm trying to get into and found out that the letter i had notarized was not the official document that they wanted. Then i tried to change my SS because i screwed it up while applying online. And found out I need more documents

Of course the documents they want I don't have. They got lost somewhere in the shuffle of me moving from place to place.

And of course the cycle of crap begins Not going into it because I'm upset.

Some body just shoot me please

If i manage to get into school I fucking promise to not screw up this time. Just trying to get past this point in enoth for me to work my ass off now

But first things first i'm going to:

get another job
apply for section 8
Get an apartment
And when I can finally get into school
Work my ass off in the arts department


The curse of my birthday is in full swing
happy fucking birthday to me

Dreams and at the moment

First im gonna type up with dream before i forget it.

I had a dream I had long hair I just woke up and it was long like down to my shoulders I was at my mom's house i i showed her how long my hair was and she was surprised for a moment before she started yelling at me about where my head wrap was..... ugh talk about joy kill even in my dreams.


Anyway I've been at my mom's house for the past month because i have no money to get to my intern job and my dad takes me. Right now thou I'm spending quality time with my nephews and my sister in laws new discovery she pregnant with a baby girl 5 months......lol I saw the ultra sounds cute. I was babysiting lol


Hmmmm since my brother is only my half brother would that make her my half sister in law?

4Loko lost during the summer ......found~ALIVE

That's right I open the fridge today and to my surprise it's my 4 loco I got during camp and was going to drink one weekend....It had disappeared from my room and now it's in the fridge...my brother said that our mother had found it in the basement...even weirder...I feel like my brother is hiding something...but it's still here so can't wait to drink it when ever I find the time to drink it.....

Anyway...Thanksgiving was a bit weird as usual...I felt out of place and kinda out of touch...Like I didn't belong there eh.... it's always like that.

Uh what Else has happened....may or may not have work today...

OH yea I saw my childhood friend a couple of days ago and she has a boyfriend lol they are so cute together...we hit it off just like the good old days.

Holiday times always make me lonely... I can't wait till I'm stable enough in life to try and have a steady relationship. Maybe this time things will work out for me....they seem to be working out so far.

I seem to be having good luck. I hope it last for a long time.


Um not sure If random (not that I'm calling you guys random it's just that way to me) people read this my stats page say I have a few people from all over that read my blog every so often.

Just wanted to say thanks for reading
p.s.
you guys should post comments lol

I like meeting new people and I'm sure I could clarify some stuff if people are confused.

I won the game today

I feel like I won today. I am worth more than my weight in salt.

lets back track a bit. The lansing trip was cancled...

The play was also cancled but I didn't know and ended up being dropped off there anyway. Walked back to Youthville. My mentor was seriously worried about me....I need to get a phone.

ANYWAY Yesterday I asked if i could help my menor out with the camera stuff at the church since he's been like super sick. He gladly accepted my help and Today I was acually doing stuff.

Technical live editing

and my favorite

CAMERAWORK

I love it I love it I love it

I was the only one with any good shots for the most part the other camera guys had some good shots too just took them a min to get in the groove I guess. BUT

I LOVED IT

Im so glad I acually got to prove my self in the field.

And thats not the end of the day My mentor was also so impressed that he's gonna pay me for the day! And I can help out any time!! So now I have a second job. And he took me back to meet his family. And we went to Henry Ford Musem. His son Ian is so cute He told his day he was glad that he found a replacement in the same color XD

And I pretended to be his wife in a old time dinner.

My mentor also told me to come baby site whenever lol

I passed out and just woke up too......Today was awsome

Succes....almost

Manage to get to the school I plan on going to today waited in line for 4 hours and finally got to talk to a counselor.....the problem was it was the wrong one....

I saw a Academic Counselor instead of a Financial counselor.....

But that's okay because I now know that the degree I was going to go in isn't really for the field I want, so I'm off to Visual Arts. Actually I just got done writing down all the classes I'm planning on taken to earn this degree. I have my necessary electives planned out. I'm going to talk to my Aunt about some of the psychology classes I can take that will transfer.

Also I Saw Yuliya!!


My VisCom teacher is going to teach me how to operate his fancy camera for the Trip to Lansing tomorrow.

Also that intern that I'm replacing got fired today. I will be much better than him

Going to do drug test for the application tomorrow if not Wed.

Oh yea a strangely cute event happened today

I went to go get food at the Chinese place across the street. It wasn't busy but it took a moment for they guy there to get my order when he finally saw to me he handed me a phone. It turned out that nether of the guys there spoke English. I listened to them for a minute and to my dismay realised that they were speaking Cantonese. I was so sad lol.
I wanted to practice my Mandarin

I'm praticing some basic cantonese for the next time i go there

Well it's almost 11oclock time to sleep and see if my dad can help me tomarow

My teeth feel clean

This me at Youmacon before My eye got all fucked up:

I'm totally working it in this photo

This is me after:

Still working it damn it

Anyway guess I should update some stuff....LIKE

Had I known that these last three months where going to a huge overlaying cluster fuck in it's self I would have hid under a rock. But hey I'm almost at my prize: school, job, and my own place.

KEY WORD HERE IS ALMOST

You see because I am homeless I have to go see the school counselor so I can finalize my fasfa and all that stuff.......Registration started on the 10th of November.

I pray that a miracle happens and I can get my stuff official and register for classes before all the good ones are gone.

Also my community service is up YAY!! But since i'm hopefuly going to be interning at the Youthcenter so going to continue going there.

I'll be in Lansing, MI on thursday filming an event. I've never been to lansing before...

Saw my nephews they are just too cute together, my brother is still a dumb ass tho.

people think i'm a hipster...not sure if thats good or bad......i'm thinking bad.

really guys?

REALLY?!

Cluster FUCK part 3,4&5

Where oh where do I start. Thursday I pick up Kei and we go to Youma con I set her up in line and went to get my staff badge and stuff The line was long so kei was there for a while. I dropped off my stuff and had got aqainted with my friends and coworkers. Saw Frank he do more annoying than last years and Trap. Dealers roon was amazing this year one of the venders was hitting on me XD it was weird i didn't know what to do so i laughed. Finnaly after a days work i went to see my room at 3 am saw one of my roomates sleeping and talked to her for a min so around 4 i went to sleep woke up at around 5 becacuse of the alarm so i decided to go back to work. After a showers of course went down helped the light it up guys set up and worked. The rest is a blur because i stayed up from friday to sunday with no sleep. Al i know is I had fun at one point i was locked out of my room and i had a nose bleed incident DDR ashma attack inceident and a irritated eye incident. But it was fun. I loved it and i wish i didn't end so soon.



Also I WANT A LIP SERVICE STRAIGHT JACKET IN WHITE DAMN IT

Cluster Fuck week part 2

Had a dream about my mom with cow like utter *shiver*

Anyway went to Youthville and got introduced to everyone then I was reunited with my old Visual Com. teacher he's the same as ever. I think he enjoys makin me feel mentaly fluster but he's the best guy I know. He dropped me off at my mom's house and then I called my hair dresser she didn't get the stuff but she told me to come in the morning at 9 so yea hair should be done by then lol.

Also looked up some new K pop video's why is Korea pumping out so many bands?!

Cluster fuck week Part 1

JJ LIN IS AWSOME and deserves my love


October 25 2010
Today i got to Youthville and the guy wasn't there but i sat and waited anyway finnaly one of the guys reconized me as a former member of that place so all of a suddend they met me up with the vollenter lady. We talked about my background in art and how I would gladly help out even after my community hours were up. She was happy about that and even said that i could pass out flyers and get my community hours that way. I'm meeting her tomarow so i can get started XD



October 24 2010
Today i woke up early about an hour later my Alarm went off and I went to Kei's house. On the bus some random guy that i guess knew me tried talking to me but he got off soon after that. by the time i got to Kei's house it she was still sleep XD. We talked and looked over the japanese fashion magizines i bright over for a couple of hours and i Helped her wash the dishes. Finnaly around 2 we went to Joann's and got the fabric and fixed her hoodie. We talked about making more hoodies like the bear from persona 4. I fixed it up and hung out a little longer but when i went to call Chill i found out his phone was cut off from him no paying the bill the day before! I called my dad i got a ride to my pearents house.

Start community service tomarow

October 22 2010
Today i woke up and Chill and I were looking for my wallet so we could go get the store. I ended up finding it but the store was closed so I ended up watching him play Naruto online. Around 9oclock Chill's friend came over and we watched some special effects video's and talked about making a movie and where trying to find pictures of hot girls XD. Elena wanted me to go the club but i couldn't find my flyer and didn't feel like paying so i decided not to go. Finnaly he left and later we went to go to bed but I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about Valet guy and vollenteer work, also youmacon. I'm excited. Kei wants me to come over so I can fix her hoodie. she should have just let me make the darn thing in the first place.


October 21, 2010
Valet Guy called me yesterday 4 times from 11:00 to midnight I talked to Chill about how I always tend to attract weird people and also how I am too nice for my own good. Chill got mad at me earlyer that day and i was confused as to why. We stayed up till 4am I relized how I tend to string people along. And I've been thinking about Valet guy alot I don't know what to do with him.....I decided that day to email him and tell him i wanted to stay friends for a while but forgot to do so...XD

I have no need for fear.

Court and Grand opening

Oct 9/10/11 2010

Today was awsome I arrived at Sir Jiterbugs art musem at 3 oclock I was imeditly put to work setting up labes for the art , and ansering phones. By the time it was open we didn't even have the rose room done. When the room got filled up I helped around outside i was buzy cleaning up directing people putting up lables and answering phones I ate and worked till 5 am

I got about 2 drinks and my friends (Albert tabatha) came. Al saw the guy who does the Hidelberg project. And he was to shy to go talk to him so I dragged him to the guy and introguced him and got him an autograph. A cougar lady that was drunk basicly hit on every young guy. And some random guy was trying to talk to me but i did bulshit japanese and he quickly stoped. I got a email adress from a cute white guy that worked with me. And this cute hispanic Vale guy. I net alot of people and by 6 am We did yoga Man was it intese i definetly want to do it again. I left around 8am and went back to myMR Chill's aptment we watched the Mist and i was still up around 10 I went to bed and fell asleep for the whole day

I woke up at 5 pm one of the people callked me asking where this guys art was and i told her and that was the end of that the Vale guy called me but i ended that quick. I have 44 min on my phone now! With 20 more bucks i could still go the Gorrilaz concert. Mr Chill pissed me off because he didn't like the chiken i cooked. that happened at 3 am I have to call my coumunity referal place and get that done

Oct 8 2010

Today my mom woke me up around 5 am I didn't sleep all that well last night including the fact that I had a weird dream. I got ready woere my red skirt suit that Dr aunt gave me. And a cay shirt i had left from movving. I looked like a strawberry short cake personifided. My dad was being lazy and didn't get dressed till 7:3- I decided to watch "Liar Game" a japanese soap opera that Skyi recommended. It was good a pshycolgical thriller without the blood and gor of Saw. finnaly we left at 8 am and arrived at the acuall court room at 9 am. It was then why i knew my dad was being so slow about this It took forever! I saw two representitives from Barnes + Noble (remembed me of Clark Kent so i drew him) and home depo (he just looked like a duche so i drew him too) While i waited i drew a total abount of 3 people and i still hadn't gone. Finnaly my givin lawyer told me that Barnes and Noble would not drop the case but they did have a plea bargin I pleated guilty and I have 6 month probation I agreed since i just wanted this shit to be over and off my back( I thougth that at the least it should be bumped down to 3 months). The guy left and by the time it was my burn I had done Autogentics twice to keep my axiety low. Finnaly It was my turn the judge saw how stupid the whole thing was and was impressed by my going back to school story. so she tried to get Barnes and Dobles to drop the charge but they were being bitches and siad no. So the judge did the only thing she could do. Sentenced me to half of the blea bargain and 10 days of community servics. So 3 months of staying out of trouble and 81 hours of community services. I was trying so hard not so smile i bit my cheek. I was hungry but my dad said it's only the bennining. MY probation is at youthville. Finnaly i worked on the roof for 2 hours before i went to the gallary to help out. There was this lady who was a pretty much stuck up and she thought she new everything. I met up with the person i would be helping and ethiopean lady who had me hanging up art and making name tages for them. I met some new people and quickly became comfortable there working. ( I was there 10 hours) didn't leave till 1 am

Dreams

October 12, 2010
1. super hero being super at the grand opening for N'Namdi's center
2. I was riding with some friends of mine Dante (DMC was driving) and 2 other friends we went to the store and Dante took off with out me! so i flew after him (the car was flying too) I ended up in this Gothic cathedral hallway and there was a projector running and my two friends were watching MadTV I was in front of the screen by accident.

October 11, 2010
My younger brother is going to college on Sunday and we have to have one last crazy adventure. The times was the 1920's i think. The dream was in black and white. I decided to steal 3 floating wall cube things and string it together and me and my younger brother rode it down a huge hill like sledding we crashed into a grave yard.

October 7, 2010

I had a 3 part dream about the police academy recruits. Real cops were worried about a string of crimes and were trying to find out who did it. There were a lot of cops and recruits too. I remember the 3rd part of the dream was located in my neighborhood but the crime scene was in my mom's backyard. My dad was working and this time he wasn't lame but some how I burned a hole on one of his sleeves of his uniform. Me Richard and someone Else were working with them like Mystery inc. The comps decided it was within there own group. I wasn't convinced I asked if i could have at least been in a sub group and then my dad was all like *finger snap* the recruits. They had them line up in the streets. My mom was trying to tell me to go to my room but i was like "uh...no I'm grown and will see this" In the end she except bitching at me so i decided to go across the street. I remember the cops wondering who did it and my wad was like Ada, Ed, and someone else since they had done the first 2 crimes. I went across the street to the Turpin's House a little girl was on the porch. She had cake I was totally like OMG cake but i went inside for some reason. U was waring only a large sweater and shoes. My underwear disappeared if i didn't have shoes on. I asked MRS. T how she was doing when a large cheer erupted from outside they found out who did it. I went outside and they all came crushing me and hugging me. There were cameras and stuff.
*never got cake
* all the recruits were kids i knew Rachel, Hershal. ect.


October 6, 2010

1. Had a dream I was with an Indian guy and girl. We were at the Ren center and had just seen a movie, we were strolling around. We got on to a elevator with some one and some how got in the upper floors. The guy in the elevator walked out and on the floor of the level he got off on there was a fancy top hat on the ground. (it was dark everywhere but the elevator was brightly lit.) The Indian guy grabbed it and i kinda freaked out but he gave it to me and i calmed down. Finally another couple got on and the guy asked me if i had insulin. I asked the Indian guy but the guy pinched my boob and i looked back and noticed he had a punk but the tube had came out Then i remembered that the guy had touched my boob but he got off before i could do anything. We got off and there were girls wanting to fight.


2. I was having dinner with some one in my mom's back Yard in the driveway (fancy white chairs and a water fountain) there was a huge 3 layer cake next to us and someone thought it would be funny to wet the cake. I scooped some of the first layer but it was more like stale pudding. I went to the second layer and it was real cake I proceeded to stuffing my face.

My heart just died a litttle

Pirate just came back from his trip and we talked a little online and my heart died alittle.

also what do you do when you don't know what to do? somthing nothing anything? My mom told me that iI should just stand there quietly and listen to god he will tell me....but god has never talked to me.... has he? I'm not christan but somthing has to be telling me what to do other wise i'm just lost.

Court in a few days lets see waht happens. Also my new mp3 player just died.......sigh

I'm just so lost

Wishlist

Because I'm sorta a materialistic person.

http://www.wishlistr.com/driftingmind/

Nothing much today

Nothing much happened today except me getting a new mp3 player. When we got to best buy the guy looked at us like we were crazy but i do my Internet searching well so finally they found it and we bought it it's been 8 hours and I'm still getting the hang of it it has and mp3 player camera can play videos(cant get it to do that yet) and records so I'm happy no to get tickets to see the gorillaz

Oh yea Mr jitterbug finnaly called me and tolled me to help him out with a party this weekend....

i wonder what thats gonnabe like

you know you've been some place to long when

Might as well play this while reading it's so touching!! Lyrics and translation at the bottom



Yester day at 5: pm i decided to do my autogentics and meditate. Then i decided that i was tired so i

d take a nap. I woke up and decided to eat lunch only to discover it was 5 in the morning then found out that today was the day that I was going to go to the renn festival so i got ready, danced a little to Super Junior and sang some BoA then i meet up with my best friends (and one of their boyfriend) and we where headed off.

on our way we stopped to get food and i told one of the twins how funny things that are painfully obvious are. also came up with funny t-shirt ideas like 'I'M VEGAN I DON'T WANT YOUR KFC' silly stuff like that. And of course on our way we got lost I don't know why they went the way they did but oh well.

We finally get there and its raining one of the twins kindly payed for my ticket in exchange for a painting of G-Dragon i'm going to do for her and we where in! It was nice i wish i had the money to dress up but oh well....one of the twins bought a vest and we walked out because it was raining. Me and one of the twins ( i paired up with the one with out the boy friend) went to warm up with Her cousin and the the cousin's friends I remembered why i disliked her because she so pretty and nice looking but shes and idiot and her friends are kinda jerks at times. What ever we tried to get back in to a void the awkward situation but to no avail we had to have our hands stamped so sadly we left and went to the mall where the evening begin to turn down hill for me.

I was upset and not for any good reason i was just thinking to much again. about death and the unknown after life and trying to cheer up started thinking about my future but that turned into thinking about the future and the unknown and how things some times don't go the way we plan and how they never go the way you want. then i tried thinking about what was happening at the mall and all i saw was a lot of things i couldn't buy and a lot of Asians that where not Pirate (my ex) and i remembered how even when i'm around friends i'm still lonely. I assumed this was a bout of depression and decided to play DDR it cheered me up till we had to leave. Where we had to wait for the boyfriend to smoke a blunt before we left (made me upset because the twins were complaining of me smelling like cigarettes)

Finally when i was dropped off i commenced to smoking a cigarette and realized what i really wanted was some alcohol don't know if that's a bad sign or not......i still want both but before i could sit in my sadness any longer my dad walked in and whisked me away to my aunts b day party ( I didn't even know it was their birthday If your reading this HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) they had a karaoke machine and i decided to sing to get over my fear of speaking in public you have to start somewhere right? it was okay and fun my little brother was really the only downside. but it was nice and a guy asked me about my interest in Asian culture and i was too happy to obliged I had fun and i feel a little better gonna go put my self to bed now...

Got peed on by a squirrel

Totally Japaneses.

Any way I lied I Almost got pissed on by a squirrel...almost but that's just as bad.

Told my dad about the smoking trees and this was his response

"But isn't smoking bad for you?"

to which I replied

"But if trees inhale carbon dioxide and spit out oxygen then it's all good let them smoke as much as they want"

.......I guess it sounded funnier when I said it....

Almost done with the roof!!! And my bridge card is here!!! Let the candy roll!!!

Been thinking about the Gorillaz concert and have been thinking of a way to have my dad pay me in tickets to see them we will see He's gonna buy me a mp3 player for buying groceries so why not. or I can get my brother to do it......or my aunt...I think I have a plan yay!! I might be able to go the the Gorillaz concert and pay for Youmacon after all!!

Also I'm thinking about starting a comic for real I'm in a writing mood FUCKING FAIRY HERO's sounds like a good place to start just get a overall plot line going and it should be good...

And where is all the C-pop in the world I've only heard ballads so far!!!

In a writing mood but probably need to go to sleep...I feel ........alone like I'm being left behind and my life is ending

We saw...

Had a premonition today while working with my dad on the roof singing deliver us from prince of Egypt.....the work is getting frustrating now lack of sleep ((my fault i know)) and the bugs ughgh.

Also my bridge card hasn't arrived yet this sucks they said 5 days damn it

Anyway...I'm really tired only had like 3 hours of sleep my dad also fell off the ladder....eh oh yea I saw trees smoking it was sunrise getting warm and I guess the dew was evaporating...it was awesome all the trees were doing it.

called Sir JitterBug and he didn't answer again....
Need to call the collage and fix that stuff
Change address
talk to financial advisor so I can make my homeless claim official


so tired autgentics and sleep

Music XD

September 28, 2010











Been thinking about my future and how many people that I've talked to have been telling me that I'm 'doing to much' but I have to disagree I mean. My life goal is to never be bored always be doing something no mater how great or small. And I've looked it up even though I'm not sure if I want to get a masters in all 3 fields I'm interested in it still burns down to this.

• Master/Bachelor in Fine arts


• Masters/ Bachelor of Fine Arts in Japanese, Korean/Chinese studies


• Master in Psychology

It's a lot true not going to argue with that but I have such a huge passion about it. I'm sure I can do it.

(also my pipe dream of becoming a singer XD)

Talked to a couple of people I haven't seen in a long time online. Is it just me or is online interaction too convenient. I'd rather have a face to face conversation but oh well. Sometimes your just stuck.

My mentor Sir Jitter bug emailed me to call him. I did and left both my parents house and cell number he hasn't called back....wonder what that was about.

Also I totally forgot about the Gorrillaz Concert at the fox theater!!!!!!!!! UGHGHGHGHWSDFK a ertomjgbv irm

I have to find a way to go.

Also Youmacon and Ren fest

Why am I so broke

Anyway I've been updating my self on music

DBSK has broken up!!!! Why is it always the ones I love!!!

and the drama with 2pm?! shame on netizens

Despite the drama I love me some Korean Music doesn't help on my Chinese studies tho..must find good C-pop

The music videos is so funny Ring ding dong~!!! I'd upload like 14 videos if i could but eh

Court ,Shingles, Closure and Art.

September/ 27/2010

Well today was anxiety filled to say the least. First I'm talking to one of my high school friends bout life and school and what not people and how they act. I got off the phone around 4:30 am I didn't sleep. So I'm whisked off to the Police station and I sit there till about 7:00 am. Then they finally take me to the back..but it's pretty much the same as before they tried to let me go with out finger printing me and such. But I had a warrant (( 3rd degree Larceny by the way $40 worth of stuff a pen a html book and some origami stuff apparently) to get rid off so I manage to explain to them that I was going to get arraigned I was tired and they were being super nice to me and it was annoying. I pretty much just sat in the back I didn't even sit in a jail cell this time. It was all "aw your just a baby this and a kid that and you have nothing to worry about" Heh if that was true would I be in this situation right now? I ended up sleeping in a office for 2 hours almost crying because I was cranky from lack of sleep and the chair wasn't really comfortable before they drove me downtown to court. I got to sit in the front and one of the police officers gave me gum. I felt like a child all over again... that made me upset too but I did my autogentics and was able to keep it under control. Man was it cold tho. Finally at the Court house I am searched and she actually searched me too. Then I surrender my cell phone and go into an actual cell it was SMALL Like maby bathroom sized and I was in a cell with some chick who stabbed her boyfriend EEK! Finally i meet my appointed lawyer who's name i don't remember. And I talked to the judge She basically asked me if this was really my first offense I said yea she gave me personal bail (YAY!) But the cops wouldn't let me leave till i called my dad ugh. So finally I left.

Got back to my Dad's house and helped him shingle the roof It was fine till it started raining. I snuck off and spray painted my hoodie I think I'm going to do Pirates heart with the hand coming out I already cut the stencils and stuff just got to get good spray paint. And again I thought about Pirate so finally I decided to call him. First I realised I was hoping he wouldn't pick up but before I could hang up he answered. Nervous laughter masking the pain I was trying not to release just yet. Happy banter remember? Well finally I tell him what I really wanted closure, he seemed surprised and agreed. Then he started talking about not killing hims and stuff. But I assumed he was trying to hide the pain he was feeling like I was, also i think he really thought I was mad. I wasn't I told him that I forgave him and that he was my first love and piece of my heart blah blah ((I'm really tired)) In the end I was crying and I think he was too I didn't mean to do it over the phone I was trying to find a way to actually meet him face to face but it just came out.....all for the best I guess because we manage to talk just like back where we first met as friends He told me how he was trying to achieve some of the things he lacked like not looking masculine(( never under stood that it's not like he's a super girly thing but some guys feel that way I guess)) enough and having self time because he gave himself emotionally to everyone and never had any left for himself. so he was looking for closure too from the people in his life but he was going to make sure that he hurt (some of) them. I explaining that it wasn't worth it and you'd be holding on to rage instead of getting closure. I told him to forgive and about the 2 kinds of forgiveness. she seemed stumped by my explanations and was debating it but i knew he felt it was the right thing to do. will he do it tho? I explained that at our age we where trying to put out lives together by ourselves and felt that we didn't have time to have some one to love and i mean true love not all that crap kids think it is now aways. I told my ex that I was an emotional person and i Needed come one who comforted me some times I need security in that area because with some one I trust and truly love I feeling I can do anything. I needed some one to love because I've been missing that part in my life I've never felt truly loved.

Any way I did it!! after I got off the phone with him I felt at peace. I can think about him and not feel my heart breaking now I need to do is see him face to face and give him a big hug and a good bye kiss ^_^

Last thing I painted a self portrait it's awesome and now I'm going to sleep i'm tired.

Dreams

• 9/26/10
• I was hanging out with some new friends of mine we where having fun at a club and bars and what not when I had to go to Leonard's apt to get something I noticed my 2 back teeth where brownish and the furthest one back was rotten. I looked at it and went to wiggle it and the tooth came out!!!! and there was a spider in the tooth!!! I looked at it again and threw it way. I went back downstairs and for some reason it was noon the weather was nice and my friends where still there. We walked around down town Detroit and had a really nice time (the thing about this dream is when i woke up i distinctly remember the rotten tooth part but the dream was much longer and the tooth part was very minimal it was like 2 seconds compared to everything Else that happened)
• 9/17/10
• I was suppose to meet Tammy (Rachael Segue)at the crepe place but as i was walking down I ran into two of my old (now stylish) charaters i created (black and white Hitori) They wanted 'words' with me but i had a stasis (that thing from Deadspace the game) gun. After fighting with them for a bit I was walking along a shrine and had a thought "This is sure a lot better than hanging with Tammy!" I mentally agreed and while laughing I made my way into the shrine; it was like an Asian super mini mall and the first thing I see is a room i've been in before where everyone was high and drinking playing video games. Missa was there high and lying down on some cots She saw me and we had happy banter then she needed to throw up so I tried dragging her to a bathroom but instead ended up in a fruit market section. She manage to find a place to puk and i waited for her looking around I bumped into a Asian lady (Chinese Japanese?) I quickly tried spewing out sorry but wasn't sure of her nationality so ended up spewing a mixture of all that I knew "sumishi" A hot Asian boy who worked there came next to me and said "she's Japanese." I sighed and said "it's hard unless I know in advance other wise I'm spouting 3 things at the same time." He smiled at me and then his supervisor waled up a white guy and said "Hey whats going on?" "Nothing" the Asian said. out of the blue I asked "Are you guys hiring?" the white guy looked at me wryly "That's a good question most likely." I smiled and the white boy threw a pizza pie dough at me and I caught it. "Throw that up there." He said pointing above where the decorations where there was a pizza dough like wedding cake layered. I threw it up there but another one fell off I manage to catch it and I get whisles of approval from the two boys. I kept thinking that if I did get it up there all of it would fall down on me. So I threw it in a way where it landed farther back.

the shot not taken

will not succeed 100% of the time

This art is brought to you by my ex (whom after this shall be call Pirate XD). I have some older journal entry's to type up since I decided that I shall keep an actual journal and transfer it to this online version.only to to reread by my future self and few select people I trust. The past couple of days have got me thinking about Pirate. I still love him he was my first and shall always have that piece of my heart. It's sad because going in I told my self that i shouldn't take it to seriously and I did anyway. But what can I say I listened to him he listened to me we could talk for hours! that's what our first date was too talking in the furniture section at target from 12:00 till close. I want to be friends with him still but the last time I saw him a couple of weeks ago at an anime club meeting. I had a panic attack and had to leave the room. My heart actually felt like it was breaking I don't know what to do with it anymore. After that I tried to ignore him and I ended up just thinking about him. I tried talking to him on the phone to keep our friendship but that had me longing for him after the call. However I have decided to find a way to have a moment with him face to face and not to have any interruption to see if I can get closure because if I can't I'll just think of him like a sick puppy every time I look at some cute Asian guy.

Today i helped my dad with some shingling for the roof I accually enjoyed it I hope he pays me. Also got my phone!!! Saw my nephews too lol. Missed what ever party was downtown oh well..Im at my mom's house I guess I'm turning my self in in the morning. at the moment I'm typing all my stuff up in the blog I should have brought my other notebooks so I could type up my dreams. What ever I'll keep all the new one's in the same future post untill I get all the written one's down and then I'll add a weekly Dream report with dates.

okay now that that is (kinda) out of my system here are my two previous journals since this is a blog I'll say that the format is going to be if you want to see the earlier stuff scroll down to the end of the post and look for Bold print so you can see the date within the submitted blog post. If it's at the top and has no date then it's the date of the blog posting

Also ( ) within the post

(( )) my thoughts at the time of typing this

September 25, 2010

Today I woke up at 11:00 I probably woke up at 9:00 but i decided to sleep some more. It turned out to be a good Idea I turned my application in and sat down with this drink called Dry soda the flavor was lemon grass it was pretty good. I was impressed not sweet but had a bit of a sweet aftertaste to it. Anyway I decided to study Chinese today. I remember more than I thought just have to memorise the Hangul and I'll be on my way.

Two hours in guess who came in the door Sir Jitterbug himself! At first I didn't recognises him but after he spoke I remembered ((I told him about my drink and commented that it would probably be good with alchoal)) He offered me to try mixing it with gin or vodka I declined and laughed it off...way too early. I decided to hang with him for a bit and he took me to a couple of gallery's including his own. Introducing me to people along the way. It was amazing the art just kinda wanted me to stare at it or touch it or both. ((It was a lot of abstract art which I always found to be a mystery to me artistically-wise)) I had fun. And I got a brownie with walnuts it was delish! I wish I had some milk or coffee at the time. I tagged along with Sir Jitterbug on his errands; dry cleaners, car wash, and AT&T.

I told him how i felt about high school and what kind of student I was and my plans to switch over to OCC. I hope he comes through for the bakery job. I would really appreciate that. Oh I also told him about Pirate ((After he stated that I needed to get a boyfriend lol)) so much for not thinking about him today. Sir Jitter bug told me to let him go...sigh....

8:00pm Waiting for people to leave so I can go to the contemoary party. Also my wallet broke :c

I finally arrive at 10 and i feel as if I'm late. Although it could just be an intermission.

Theres an asian guy here setting snares up Cute!! Yay I'm not late Electric Junk yard Gamelan is playing There song's are as unique as there musical intrsments there song 'life on mars' awesome I now love this band

it's 11:04 now and EJG just ended. One performer girl has this cute dress and theses awesome boots Victorian thigh high boots. This has been really cool so far. Also thanks to my cowardliness and observation skills the events program has informed me of the cute guys name Ian Ding ((Facebook him?))

I kinda wish Sir jitter bug was here to introduce me to people. When I am in a new social setting it takes getting to know a few people for me for be comfortable. Just talking to random people. I'm such a social wimp. I was writing in my journal so it looked like I was busy with something "What could she be writing?" people probably thought. I think something bit my neck ick ((turned out to be a cut now I'm even more confused))

Ian's set was really cool although i didn't really understand his music. I was impressed at the fact that he looked so intense and yet nervous at some parts. Chance as an musical ambition for a piece is awesome. I admire people who play musical instruments. Ian was also in the last set for the night playing keyboards All I can say is it was dirty grungy sounding like a scary movie intenes and AWESOME.

September 24, 2010

Today I wok up an hour before my set time I got ready and set off by the time I got to ((bakery shall now be known as Local Coffee in the blog)) I was pretty busy so I got my usual and set up sat down and waited. While in line as i was counting my change A man asked me if I had enough ((I wonder if he would have gotten me a drink if i said no?)) I told him the truth tho so we started talking and i Blabbed my whole life story again and told him my goals. He was impressed and told me no problem that i would get the job.

He left and then another group saw me drawing and complimented on my skills asking me how much it cost to get a portrait. I said $15 to $20 depending on how well I thought I did. The coffee was making me feel sick or was it that i shouldn't drink coffee on my period? Anyway I blabbed my life story to them ((two times in one day lol)) and I finished this funky picture. Finally I was able to talk to The manager. I told her my name and that I was referred by Sir Jitterbug and that I wanted a job. Well the Manager dosn't usually hire people so she told me to drop off my resume. then a guy called working called me over and told me no matter what experience I had with food to put it on my resume I thanked him talked quickly with my high school acquaintence that worked there and left.

Went to the apt and called my dad and asked if he would get me so I could fix my resume. He said yes and asked me if I could help him shingle the roof on Sunday I said okay. I remembered to bring the yellowmemory card to my best friend and talked to Twin one about how to get around her parents to spend the night with her boyfriend. I talked about how I really just missed Pirate. How I still really loved him and my fear of him not loving me back. I'm not sure if I should give up or not Anyway my mom did my hair its so long now except for the side that I burned off trying to hot comb it.

Anyway, I think I'm going to go to Oakland Community college for the winter semester. They have intermediate Chinese and Japanese! I,m kinda worried about seeing my old gutter punk room mates there but that's just the low self-esteem talking it will be okay and I will make new friends I wonder if I get this job at Local Coffee will i be able to attend Youma-con? I'm also thinking about asking my brother if i can live with his family. My only problem is well my brother and the kids. The kids are not that big of a problem I love them and would like to spend more time with them, however i don't want to end up being the full time nanny. Hah I just had a day dream about taking all of my nephews out for a fun photo shoot with lots of props. I think I will plan it one day once I'm settled.

Chill is pushing my buttons but I'm done with his antics I forgive him. It's a bout time for my autogenics exercises must find my head scarf so I can wrap my hair it's not quite dry yet.

September 21, 2010

Wow it's been a while since I wrote in this book (my journal from high school) I wanted to tear everything out and start anew but that would be besides the point. I am currently crashing with my 9th grade friend ((whom in this blog shall be known as Chill)) and when I'm not on my period or depressed, things are good I don't have a job at the time being. I have a bridge card (lost at the moment getting a new one sent in the mail)and am considered homeless by the state.

I'm planning on going to WC3 in spring to Major in psychology. I'm sad I have to put my art on the back burner but I think my major will help me with my art in the long run. I am still 20 going to be 21 in 3 months I have 2 mentors my Aunt and my aunt's personal friend((whom shall be known as Dr.Aunt and Sir Jitter bug respectively XD)) anyway I thought I'd give an update before I started writing notes again

I have to time this just right....

Hey Guy's I'm 20 and i lost my reading job lol. BUT I just got a laptop and a camera, as soon as I get back to Detroit I'm going to start on my projects and shit. I'm currently in flint, Michigan partying it up with my new art friends. I did my first painting with my new friends Pauly and Bethany. It turned out really cool. I've been in flint for a week lol.

Also i went to California after i got fired. It was so awesome!!! we pan handled the whole way there and back. I met a lot of really cool traveler kids. it was so warm!!!! I went to Hollywood, Berkly, Oakland, San die ago , Pararosa, San Fransisco. Traveling gave me a whole new lease on life. I will now live to have fun. I love my friends lol